Does your family activity level feel out of control?
Comparison is driven by the natural human desire for belonging and connection.
Rather than comparing to external benchmarks or the performance of others. Build your life experience from your personal values, interests, and priorities.
Identify your values and priorities through a process of self-reflection.
To determine your personal values and priorities:
List three of your happiest moments:
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List three times you felt proud of yourself:
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List three times you felt satisfied or fulfilled:
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Using the moments listed above; notice the themes, experiences, people, or ideals that are presented. This can help you identify some of your values. List them here:
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List the values you noticed. Group the values into “very important to me” and “sort of important to me” categories to get a sense of your priorities.
Check to see if the activities you engage in align with the values and priorities you hold.
As Teddy Roosevelt is credited with stating, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” So, why then, are humans innately driven to compare? Comparison is driven by the natural human desire for self-awareness and self-evaluation.
At times this is an adaptive process that helps us learn about ourselves and our abilities. However, the social media of today’s world presents us all with ceaseless images of perfection and endless stories of the uber-successful. This experience, along with frequent mandates to measure performance against arbitrary benchmarks, leads to comparisons becoming harmful rather than helpful.
Instead of repeating the cycle of comparison, it can be useful to determine one’s priorities or personal values. Knowing one’s values, those ideas and beliefs that you hold to be important, helps protect you from being swayed by what others might be doing differently. Taking time to define your family’s personal values will allow you to discover what is most meaningful to you. This can be utilized to make choices that align with your priorities.
We become overwhelmed and feel ineffective when we try to pursue everything, all at once. Reduce the overwhelm by recognizing which experiences best align with your stated values. When faced with choices such as which classes to take, what committees to join, how much to travel, and what to make for dinner…taking time to turn inward and determine what aligns with your values can guide you to make a choice that fits best for you.
Additional Resources
Will getting that great job or house really make you happier? In this fun & entertaining video, Dr. Russ Harris, Acceptance and Commitment Therapist, explains the important distinction between living a goals-focused vs a values-focused life... and why living in accordance with your innermost values can lead to a more rich, full, and meaningful life.