Raising Children in an Affluent Community
Rethinking Success was founded by a group of Needham residents who were concerned by the youth mental health data that was a part of the 2021 Metrowest Adolescent Health survey. We strive to present information and resources to support parents and children in Needham. Our purpose is to challenge ourselves and our readers to consider the many complex reasons youth may be struggling with mental health. Today we are exploring the challenges of raising kids in an affluent community.
Many things are great about growing up in an affluent community and we are not saying there is causation between negative mental health outcomes and affluence but there may be a few things to consider.
Growing up in a community with many high-achieving adults can create the expectation for young people that they need to be equally as high-achieving. Even if parents are not delivering this message overtly, this may be the impression that is coming through. Direct access to tutors and test prep, privately paid extracurricular academics, and sports coaching can deliver the message to youth that they should be constantly focused and excelling. While the long-term goal of this type of success may not be bad, pressure to achieve may lead to burnout in young people and their parents.
What can you do? Here are 5 tips for ways parents and caregivers might alleviate some pressure.
1. Love them unconditionally
Let your children know you love them unconditionally for who they are, not only their achievements. Offer compliments about character, not just grades. Celebrate the people in your life that you see demonstrating the qualities your family values beyond academic or financial success.
2. High Property Values Linked to School Performance
Home values in wealthy areas often correlate with the quality of local schools. Parents who invest in expensive neighborhoods expect top-tier education, leading to increased pressure on students to perform well. Parents can offset some of this pressure by encouraging students to enjoy learning and celebrating the journey, as well as the outcome. Part of growing up and life-long learning is trying new things. This is an opportunity to let kids know that they can enjoy activities and academics that they don’t excel at.
3. Competitive Culture
Affluent communities tend to have highly motivated and successful families. This creates a culture where students compare themselves to high-achieving peers, intensifying academic pressure. 53% of teens feel pressure to be exceptional and impressive through their achievements (e.g. honors classes, good grades, jobs).* Parents can help alleviate some of this pressure by communicating with their children that there are many different paths available to teens. Try to avoid messages about scarcity in the workforce or college admissions. This only fuels the drive to compete.
4. College Admissions Pressure
When financial resources are available, parents often push their kids toward elite colleges, reinforcing the idea that only top grades, test scores, and extracurricular achievements will be acceptable. Kids should not feel that their future depends on the college they choose. Many successful people did not attend elite colleges, and there are many unique ways to achieve success in life.
5. Access to High-Quality Resources
While students in affluent communities have more access to tutors, test prep, and enrichment programs, these advantages can also set an unspoken expectation that they must maximize every opportunity, often leading to burnout. “I can, therefore I must,” can lead to extracurricular overload. Kids need downtime. Do not underestimate the value of free time to explore and be creative.
Finally, acknowledge that our children are not extensions of us. Their successes and failures are their own. Parents and caregivers are the safe space that youth can turn to as they create their own lives.
*https://www.commonsensemedia.org/research/unpacking-grind-culture-in-american-teens-pressure-burnout-and-the-role-of-social-media?_gl=1*89h2um*_gcl_au*MTcwMDcyMjQzMy4xNzQwNDA0OTEz*_ga*MTg1MzE4MTQuMTc0MDQwNDkxMg..*_ga_61CH0D2DQW*MTc0MDQwNDkxMS4xLjAuMTc0MDQwNDkxMS42MC4wLjA.