What do young adults think about high school grades, college, and success?

We reached out to a group of young adults to ask them a few questions about their high school experiences. We share their perspectives on grades, college, and success below.

WHEN YOU WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL, WHAT STRESSED YOU OUT? (GRADES, COLLEGE, FUTURE, FRIENDS, ACTIVITIES, OTHER)

Grades, other people.  (Katharine, age 26)

Grades, college, future, friends, activities and everything else! (Eliza, age 25)

Just about everything. I had gone through a lot of rough experiences, and that worried that my future would hold more of the same. I struggled to make friends, and was anxious about college. (Jackson, age 23)

Grades, college, and the future. (Anonymous, age 28)

Everything! There was a lot of pressure on high school students to excel back then, especially in an environment like Needham High School, and I am sure there are the same pressures impacting students today. (Anonymous, age 31)

I was stressed about doing well enough in high school to get into a good college, but I was also stressed about the state of the world (climate change, global politics, injustice and power imbalance) because of what it meant for our collective future. (Nina, age 32)

In no particular order: college, dating, popularity, looking/seeming “cool.” (A (former?) degenerate, age 29)

Grades and doing well in school and on exams was very stressful. I had some good, close friends, but many of them suffered from substance abuse and/or self harm which was also stressful. I had many LGBTQ+ friends and wasn't out yet myself which made things difficult as well. (Anonymous, age 24)

Grades and friends. (Anonymous, age 21)

Honestly, during my time in high school little stressed me out as It was very stable for me. However I did find myself worrying about college as I did not put forth my best effort and in turn had to work extra hard my freshman year to transfer to my dream school: Northeastern University. (Craig, age 24)

I was definitely stressed about where I might go to college and my grades, especially for tests. I was also stressed about the ways that other students might view me or treat me.(Sam, age 23)

Grades, future, unstructured activities, seeming cool, crushes, opportunities/activities with uncertain outcomes, the unknown, college decisions / tests.  (Aidan, age 23)

FROM THE PERSPECTIVE OF WHERE YOU ARE NOW IN LIFE, WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE YOUR HIGH SCHOOL SELF ABOUT THE THINGS THAT STRESSED YOU OUT THEN, SPECIFICALLY ABOUT SUCCESS, COLLEGE, ETC.?

I wish I had protected my mental health more than trying to be the best or most liked and burning out and not enjoying that phase of life. (Katharine, age 26)

Your friends now will probably not be your friends at this age! (Eliza, age 25)

The primary piece of advice I would give myself is to recognize that there's always a chance to revisit things, that just because you pursue one path does not mean you forever abandon any others. (Jackson, age 23)

High school is temporary, the most important thing there is doing well with your grades rather than fitting in socially. (Anonymous, age 28)

You don't have to figure it all out. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted to do heading into college only to switch my major and my eventual careers several times before finally settling into a career track I am fulfilled by several years ago. Do not be afraid to try new things and most importantly, do not be paralyzed by the fear of failure. (Anonymous, age 31)

Don’t lose hope. Keep your idealism and temper it with realism. Keep building the world you want to live in. You don’t have to get everything right, but please keep trying. Your success doesn’t depend on whether you go to college, but never stop educating yourself on subjects that matter to you. Be aware of the privileges and power you DO have, so that you can be a force for positive change. You don’t have to be like everyone else, but find common ground with others wherever you can. Don’t just be yourself; Become yourself. (Nina, age 32)

At risk of sounding cliche: Don’t worry so much about the past / future but focus on the present. Everyone will be embarrassed about their past and no one knows their future. It’s worth thinking about but don’t become obsessed. (A (former?) degenerate, age 29)

It turns out that life after college is way less stressful than college. I'm glad I worked hard and did my best in school, but I found I have much more time and resources for keeping myself healthy and happy than when I did in school. (Anonymous, age 24)

Take things one step at a time. (Anonymous, age 21)

I would tell myself to increase the priority of studying yet don't burn yourself out on it. A lot of  what you gain comes from the work you do when you are at the next chapter of your life. In Massachusetts especially high school is very competitive so if you are able to focus on that next step you can really take strides there. The journey does not end once you get into a school that's the beginning and where you can shine. (Craig, age 24)

Most of the things that stressed me out in high school didn't matter. As far as academics, one grade on a single test would not change where I went to college, and where I went to college would not define my future. As for social pressure, the ways that students view me has no impact on me today. I am much happier living as my authentic self. (Sam, age 23)

Don’t worry about it. Try as many different activities / opportunities as seem the slightest bit interesting, then pick the top three out of all your new activities and commit to them. Give them your all for 3 months, no matter how little prior experience you had. Through it all, don’t care about what anyone else says or seems to think. High school is one of the best times to try new things. (Aidan, age 23)

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO CURRENT HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS IN REGARDS TO THE PRESSURES THEY EXPERIENCE?

I teach high school, I tell my kids to focus on what they have going on now, enjoy the moment and the people they have now, and just try their best, whatever that looks like day to day. (Katharine, age 26)

Work towards what you want not what others want. (Eliza, age 25)

The pressures you feel are very real, but you can't let them define you, or your life. If there is something you truly want to do, don't let what you think others expect from you get in the way of that. Eventually you will figure out what you want, and it may be entirely different than what you yourself expect. I thought I wanted to be an aeronautical engineer, but in college realized that wasn't the path I really wanted. So long as you don't view something like that happening as a "failure" you will be fine. (Jackson, age 23)

High school is tough but doesn’t last forever. Make sure to take care of yourself and focus on your priorities. (Anonymous, age 28)

You are never alone, you have friends, family, classmates, teachers, etc., many of whom have felt similar pressures in life before. Do your best to find an outlet for these pressures, whether its sports, music, or another activity that you can do to unwind and focus elsewhere. Don't ever forget to take time for yourself! (Anonymouse, age 31)

Figure out your priorities. (They might be different from your parents’, teachers’, and friends’ priorities.) You may feel a sense of duty to your family or community, or you may resent the duties imposed on you, or both! Make a list of your own goals, and try to tackle a few tasks that serve those goals at least once a week. Always plan in time to rest, and defend your downtime as much as your work time. (Nina, age 32)

Figure out the most important thing(s) for you. I didn’t know that mine was family and friends until way too late. There are always other chances for a date/event/job/opportunity . But cherish the time you have now with your loved ones because there's no second chance with time. (A (former?) degenerate, age 29)

Adults in your life may mislead you on what your priorities should be. You don't HAVE to go to college. The only thing you ever have to do is to someday be able to feed and house yourself. Besides that, learning to be happy and love yourself and those around you is the most important thing. (Anonymous, age 24)

Reach out for help when you need it. (Anonymous, age 21)

Don't let the pressure consume you. Not everyone thrives in this environment but you can set the ground work for yourself that will lead to success. Let yourself enjoy this time and have fun while you are in a much more stable and loose environment. A lot of what comes next you have to figure out yourself so let yourself be helped by those around you now and get the network ready to succeed. (Craig, age 24)

No matter how people portray themselves, they are often going through the same stresses as you. Your worries are completely natural and will fade over time. Give yourself some slack. Special mention to the queer kids—high school is especially hard for you, but you will come out stronger on the other side. I certainly did. Hang in there.. (Sam, age 23)

Try hard at a balanced array of subjects. Try really hard at subjects you’re actually interested in. Build relationships with your teachers and guidance counselors beyond class time. (Aidan, age 23)

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO PARENTS OF HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS?

The goal isn’t a specific college or grade, the goal is a happy, fulfilled, successful in their own way, child. (Katharine, age 26)

Support your children in any possible way you can, even if you don’t understand it. (Eliza, age 25)

Definitely push your children to be the best versions of themselves, be it academically or otherwise. However, do not overstep and drive a rift between them and yourself. Obviously encourage constructive behaviors, but allow kids to be kids once in a while. (Jackson, age 23)

Make sure that your child has the support they need and isn’t overwhelmed, or feeling that they have to do everything on their own. (Anonymous, age 28)

Empathy is everything. Colleges are getting more expensive and competitive, cost of living continues to skyrocket throughout the country while wages remain stagnant...This is a different world than where you (and honestly I) grew up in, where everything is amplified by social media. Be empathetic and understanding to what your kids are going through and be there to support them when they need you. (Anonymous, age 31)

Show them that you are a safe person for them to become themselves around. Create a safe environment for them to share their truth with you. Your idea of success may be different from their idea of success, and that’s ok. They may explore life in a direction that bothers you. Even if you know you’re right and you worry they are misguided, sometimes they will have to figure it out for themselves, AND they might reach a different conclusion than yours - that’s part of growing up in a changing world. (Nina, age 32) 

Be wary of the rebellious mindset; often times if you want your kid to eat vegetables, you should tell them they have to eat junk food instead. Think opposites when conventional parenting doesn’t work. (A (former?) degenerate, age 29

Be more understanding. It's difficult having a teen, sure, but the best way to make it easier on yourself and your kid is to actually listen and understand what they're going through. Participate in every niche phase they have. Let them experiment with clothing, hair, makeup, and other ways they present themselves. Find ways for them to spend time and resources on what they like (even if there's no apparent financial or educational benefit). Let them try out different hobbies and jobs to see what they like. Stay with them through the process and don't expect perfection. (Anonymous, age 24)

Listen to what your kids are saying. It might just help both of you. (Anonymous, age 21)

Do not be too strict on your kids. There is enough pressure on them already so the support you provide them goes a long way. If they come to you with new passions or ideas please support them any way you can, you never know what that could lead to. Careers exist in all facets of life! (Craig, age 24)

Let your child have some space. The social pressures that you might have faced in high school have gotten even worse due to social media. Even though you are far removed from them, remind yourself that these stresses are all-consuming at the time. (Sam, age 23)

Push your kids but in an unstructured way that makes them go out and do uncomfortable things themselves. Help them with the logistical details but push them to do difficult things. (Aidan, age 23)

HOW HAS YOUR DEFINITION OF SUCCESS CHANGED?

Happiness over perception by others, I genuinely don’t care about what other people think I’m just living for myself. (Katharine, age 26)

I am still not successful in my own eyes so I am still trying to figure that out. (Eliza, age 25)

I can't say my idea of success has changed, rather that my idea of how one can reach it has. (Jackson, age 23)

To me now success is whatever you make of it, rather than living up to other peoples definitions of success.  (Anonymous, age 28)

Over time, I've come to realize that comparison is the thief of joy. It's too easy to measure success by comparing yourself to your peers and friends. At the end of the day, you define your own success, and I've found myself to be most at peace with myself by setting and meeting my own professional and personal goals without thinking about how my peers and friends are doing. (Anonymous, age 31)

I used to think success meant money and fame. Now I think success is the ability to care for my loved ones, to be respected by my peers, and to be trusted by my friends. (Nina, age 32)

As an artist/animator, I used to think success was only possible if you're busy, rich, and famous. Now I know that success is sharing my art with people who find it meaningful, and making enough money to support myself and my dog. That is all. (Anonymous, age 24)

It doesn’t matter how much you make. It’s about what you’re doing is making you happy. (Anonymous, age 21)

 It changes yearly, but as long as I am setting new goals and striving to achieve them that is a good benchmark to measure my overall success. (Craig, age 24)

It’s still being defined. In high school, I wanted to get to college. Once in college, I wanted to stay in college. Once the immediate Covid period passed (post 2021, I entered college in 2019), I wanted to graduate from college. After graduating from college (Class of 2023!), I wanted to do some sort of program that would allow me to potentially grow while not taking on too many responsibilities or commitments. Now that I’ve joined the Peace Corps, I am constantly torn between looking for further higher education or a job, whatever that job could be. I feel successful to have accomplished everything I have to this point, but still feel like there’s tremendous further potential I can reach for.  (Aidan, age 23)