Kindness and Success
Hey parents, ask your child these three questions.
Which do you think we [parent/guardian] believe is most important at school. Good grades or being kind to others?
Why do you think that? Can you give examples?
Which do you think your classmates’ parents/guardians care more about? Why do you think that?
Listen carefully to their responses. Ask nothing more than clarifying and extending questions.
A 2014 report from Harvard’s Making Caring Common, noted that “nearly two-thirds of youth reported that both their parents and peers would rank achievement above caring for others.”[emphasis added]. According to this survey, while parents say they value kindness and caring, their actions say something very different. Students of all ages and backgrounds state that their parents’ actions prioritize achievement over most everything else.
Consider the conclusions a child might draw if their parent:
Checks and discusses PowerSchool constantly.
Asks about grades, homework, and tests before anything else.
Actively supports them (through outside classes, tutors and parental support) to “be ahead” of others academically.
Frequently compares their academic abilities to others.
These actions accumulate overtime to send a strong message that academic success is highly valued - to the exclusion of other characteristics.
Ironically, the following traits are more likely to lead to adult happiness and future work success:
Kindness
Inclusivity –can they work well with people they don’t agree with?
Collaboration – can they work with people from a variety of backgrounds?
Problem Solving – can they have hard conversations to move toward problem solving?
What did your child say to you about your values? About the values of their peers’ parents? Take a moment to reflect and consider if your priorities are unbalanced. If so, what (if anything) might you shift in your parenting?
It’s easy to balance parenting priorities with a few small tweaks: Instead of asking about grades, homework and tests, you can ask:
How they solve disagreements while working in groups
How they and their friends work through fights
What they would do if a friend was really sad
What else you should ask about - but haven't
Learn more here: https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5b7c56e255b02c683659fe43/t/5bae776da4222ffd8b7508a2/1538160493964/executive-summary-children-raise.pdf